The Unveiling of My Purpose

As a twelve year old girl I decided that I wanted to be a business owner when I grew up. In pursuit of my dream I studied business in school, graduated, and went to work helping my dad with his business. That was a little over a year ago. What would follow is probably one of the hardest years of my life. But it has possibly been one of my most important years. 

When my dad offered me a job, I was eager to get started and excited for the experience. I was finally getting into the world of business fourteen years after my dream was birthed. 

After the initial excitement of a new job wore off, I started to realize that this was not going to be easy. I was out of my element in so many ways. Although I didn't know it at the time, mundane and routine work sucks the life out of me. Focusing on too many details for too long leaves me drained. Some people enjoy running a business full of risk and unknowns. I do not. It made me feel stressed constantly, and I have a serious aversion to stress (perhaps there is a lesson here). I sat alone in an office all day. And although I do work well alone, it is hard to be alone so much. Thankfully my family was near by or someone might have had to check me into a mental institution (do those even exist anymore?). 

I had ups and downs. Some days I resolved to put a smile on my face and do the work that was before me with enthusiasm. Other days, I did my work through tears and prayers of desperation. I wasn't sure why I was struggling with the job. My parents told me I was doing a great, but I felt like it was all wrong. I knew this was a trial and I knew there was a reason for it, but I had no idea just how big of a reason. On the days that I could remember to keep my focus on God, I asked Him to help me remain joyful through the trial. But I will admit that there were many days that I had a bad attitude. 

At some point I realized that I didn't feel like I was fulfilling my purpose in life. I knew what my purpose is here on earth as a child of God, but I didn't know how I was uniquely created to fulfill that purpose. I started to pray that God would show me what He created me, specifically, to do. Although I knew this job wasn't my long term destination, I felt I was to stay for the time being. And besides, I had no idea what I would want to do if I didn't stay. 

Life continued to move forward and I continued to have a lot of really hard days. But in the midst of the hard days, there were a few beautiful days. The beautiful days involved talking with my family about life's challenges, our relationships with each other, and the future. Some of my siblings would come out to the office and talk with me about their struggles. I loved pouring into their lives. More than a few times, several of my family members and I chatted about personalities, differences in personalities, and how to understand each other. And on a few occasions, I was the mediator between a disagreement. I felt so energized after these conversations. I felt like I had tapped into my strengths. I felt like I was helping people. I felt like I had purpose. 

That is when it hit me. 

This is what I was made for. This is why I am here now. 

I wasn't made to simply be a business woman. I was made to be a counselor, an encourager, a mediator, and a facilitator of healing. 

Going back to school for counseling had crossed my mind once before, but I quickly dismissed it after looking at how much it would cost and how long it would take. But this time, I knew. I didn't care how much it cost. I didn't care how long it would take. And I wasn't discouraged when I found out that it's one of the lower paying jobs that requires a masters degree. I knew that this is what I am supposed to do.

I had been all wrong about what I am made for. The things I thought I would love doing, I can't stand.  My vision for my life has completely changed. I don't know why I had that dream as a little girl, but I trust that there is a reason and someday God will reveal it to me. My future may involve owning a business, but it's not about that to me anymore. It's about what God created me for. God used this hard season to get me exactly where He want's me. 

Looking back now, I can see why God had me where he did for the last year. Without the experiences and the challenges I faced, I don't think I would have arrived where I am. There are still so many unknowns. I don't know what the future will look like. I don't know where I will be working next. I don't know how I am going to get through three and a half more years of school (the first round was pretty rough for me). I don't know how I am going to pay for school. But I have begun to understand who God created me to be. God answered my prayer and has pointed me towards my purpose.