The Making of Beauty: Friendships

Not too long ago I sat on my bed and between sobs I asked God why I couldn't make new friends. I wanted deep friendships. The kind of friends that you can text last minute and invite yourself over. The kind of friends that you share your deepest pain and struggles with. The kind of friends that you laugh with so hard you end up rolling on the floor in your own drool. Ok that's kind of gross, but you get the point.

It's not that I don't have close friends. Actually, I have several childhood friends that I consider to be my sisters. I am beyond spoiled by their friendship. But they no longer live near by and I longed for friends who are physically here. I had tried to make friends and had come to the conclusion that nobody else wanted to "do friendship" like I did. That somehow I was this weird, defected human that didn't enjoy shallow relationships and didn't have anything in common with another person on this planet.

A few weeks ago I was talking about my unique defect to a mentor when she suggested that I might consider taking a risk. That maybe I should settle for finding one thing in common with someone and see where it goes. I was skeptical that it could be this simple, but I was still intrigued by the idea. In true God style, He soon gave me an opportunity for action.

I found out that a girl from church eats Paleo AND lives down the road from me. That is two things in common. This had to be a sign. NOBODY eats Paleo and NOBODY lives near me. I decided now was my chance. I messaged her and asked if she would want to get together and cook sometime. After a few cooking adventures, we sat in her living room late one night and talked of blogging. We both had a desire to blog but had never taken the step to go public with it. I suggested that she should just go for it. I didn't actually think she would take my advice, nor did I expect that I would (looks like God might be cracking into my profectionism, but that will have to wait for another post on another day).

The next morning I received a text with a link to her blog. She did it! I was so surprised that she had went for it, and that fast too. I read her entry and God opened my eyes to the key to friendship. Through her blog, I got a window into her heart. I felt honored to see inside. I wanted to get to know her more. She became relatable. In that moment I realized that the key to making friends is not having everything in common, it is being vulnerable with each other.

That's what I had been missing. As I wallowed in my self-diagnosed defect, I closed myself off to people. Although I could open up at times, I was careful to avoid vulnerability. I couldn't let anyone see my defect, right? If I did, I would certainly never make friends. Wrong. All Wrong. It turns out that it is just the opposite. Our defects (or perceived defects) are what make us human. They make us relatable to other humans. They connect us to each other.

It has only been a few weeks and the beginnings of a beautiful friendship have developed. I am seeing friends all around me. Some that have been trying to be my friend all along, and some that I have not met yet. Now I am sounding all sappy, but I can't help it. I'm an idealistic, dreamer at heart.