I have heard it all, and I am sure you have too. Singleness is a blessing. Single women don't need a man to complete them. If you don't do your part to find husband then you will never get married. Focus on becoming the kind of woman that a great guy would want to marry. Don't settle. Don't be too picky. God will bring the man along when the time is right. We need to find you a husband. God's got an awesome man out there for you. Don't think that there is only one right person -there is no such thing as soulmates.
As well meaning as I am sure that all this advice is meant to be, it actually doesn't help much. All the different messages are confusing. I am not saying that there is no wisdom in any of the advice given to single women. I'm just saying that from my current perspective, it isn't all that helpful to someone who already feels pressure to figure out the answer. At twenty-seven, I have had quite a bit of time to contemplate all this advice. Am I focusing too much on marriage? Am I not doing enough to find a husband? Am I not trusting God enough? Am I too picky? Is it just not the time yet? Is there something God is wanting me to do now, that I won't be able to do once married? Does God not think I am ready for marriage? Is my husband not ready for marriage? Does God want to show me something that can only come from being single? Is God just waiting for me to do something? Aren't I doing enough? How am I supposed to know what else to do? The questions never end. With as much advice as I have been given and as much time as I have had to contemplate, I still don't have the answer. But I have realized something.
Each person's journey is unique.
There are probably a vast array of reasons why there are women who desire to be married, but find themselves still single. I can't tell you what my reason is, and I can't tell you what your reason is. I can tell you that God has not abandoned us. I can tell you that regardless of whether we ever marry or not, God has a purpose for our lives. I can tell you that God cares about the desires of our hearts. I can tell you that God does know the reason, and He is fully capable of handling it.
Sometimes we get so caught up in formulas and quick fixes. We think we can figure out the whys of life. We think that we have the answers. We compare our lives with other's around us. We forget that people's lives are unique. We forget that we aren't God. We forget that God is God and all good things are found in Him.
We forget that God has promised to work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
You know what this means? It means that regardless of whether I am doing the right things to get married, God has promised He will work all that I do together for good. I have no idea what that will look like, but I can trust His promise. Though it is hard to remember this promise, I find freedom when I do.
I find freedom from all the advice. I find freedom from all the expectations. I find freedom from myself.
I will continue to seek God's guidance for my life, follow Him where He leads, and trust Him to work out the rest. If you are single and find yourself burdened with advice, expectations, and questions, I hope you will find freedom in God's promise too.
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